What did she do wrong?

Friday, August 24th, I had been provided with the opportunity to experience the permanency values round table training provided through Casey Family Programs. It was in that training we were provided with a glimpse into the life of the average foster child. The purpose of the training was to develop permanent plans for wards of the courts that can realistically be implemented over at least a six month period....
What the training allowed for us to do was to stimulate thinking and learning about pathways to permanency for these children and also to be able to identify and address barriers to permanency through professional development, policy change, resource development, and the engagement of system partners. But what really caused the presentation to be more effective was the fact that one of the presenters, Berisha Black, had been an alumni of the foster care system. She was able to provide her very own experience of neglect while also sharing the experiences of many children within the foster care system. Also, considering the fact that a child's life is in limbo during this entire process, what made the newly provided information more heart wrenching is seeing how sometimes the experiences of these kids are more so effected by the attitudes from the some of case workers. In fact, it was an immediate shock to most, if not all who attended this training. To realize that what makes these children's experiences more challenging are the lack of concerns or attitudes from the same people who are paid to represent these innocent lives, and provide a voice for them in court. For a child to already have to experience the trauma of being removed from their home, family, and sense of self, into a situation of which, people take it upon themselves to decide that their living environments are not to the standards of the view points of others....and to add insult to injury, some of these workers who are suppose to provide a sense of security and safety for these children, are sometimes the very ones who make an already traumatic situation much worse. It was very upsetting for many of us to hear. Especially considering the fact that many, if not all the attendees of the training are placed at very fragile points within a child's life in order to try to make the experience at least a little more bearable and not as mentally damaging as it already has the tendency to be....

Another thing that caught my attention while in training was the fact that so many people think that money and material items can compensate for time and presence within a child's life. This is one of the biggest misconceptions one can possess. Children in foster care, although compensation of money and laptops and various other material items are very much appreciated, however, it cannot possess the assumption of being the SOLE provider for a child's happiness and success. Anyone who thinks this way needs to take a walk in the shoes of a foster child. 

A child within the foster care system sees adults as breakers of their home environment. They fear adults because everytime a new face shows up, they know it means they are about to be taken yet again, to another placement home until permanency happens.
It kills me knowing that these children out here only long to be loved and cared for. Even just a simple hug or a loving touch, a child harbors those feelings for the rest of their lives and should never be taken for granted.
Children who aren't given the opportunity to experience the norms of family life and an actual childhood, sometimes are left forever questioning 'what they did wrong.' At 4 years old, the presenter of the training shared this humbling and deeply saddening reality with us. She was left to wonder, "what did she do wrong....?" At times children truly harbor false feelings that the reason they are being taken away from their homes is because of something they did....

We cannot continue to just place a bandage over the womb, with the blind assumption that these kids are ONLY looking for financial help and support. If we allow ourselves to think this way, we are continuing the vicious cycle, by telling these kids that it is okay for them to rely on someone else for support. We are giving into the "welfare trap" by allowing these kids to think that it is completely acceptable and normal to rely on others for financial means. This keeps the poor people poor, and the rich people rich. Why do we give into feeding into these models of society? As human beings, we should only want to see the best in others. We should only help lift our fellow man up, not keep him down.... 
Don't allow that little girl to constantly feel as though she has done something wrong.